SEXUALITY.

Rape and Sexual Abuse Can Affect Sexual Orientation.

Many male survivors have had, or in some cases still have, issues around their sexual orientation or sexuality, and are confused as to whether the abuse they survived made them gay, bisexual or just unsure of who they really are.

If the sexual abuse started at an early age, you probably grew up not knowing what was right, your personal boundaries were crossed and you may have had sex with other boys of your age or perhaps men again when you reached puberty, possibly re-enacting the abuse you suffered, or even to find the lost 'love that you thought you had been shown as a child.

If so, this time its down to sexual confusion, and how you see every situation as sexual, perhaps having sex with another man, more often than not due to sexual confusion, or in some cases will end up having sex with other men when drunk or on drugs, ending up even more confused and giving yourself immense pain.  

The simple answer to that your sexual confusion is based on the knowledge that your sexual awareness was triggered up at an early age, and you had no choice in that, and having been sexually abused, you became aware of what sex was all about, losing the innocence of your childhood.

Sexual Orientation is very different to sexuality, in that you can think you are gay, have gay thoughts, but your orientation is straight.

Confused? Read on.

Sexual orientation is who you are, and who you choose to have sex with, is something you want and choose to do, and does not confuse your feelings sexually with your chosen partners.  

Sexuality is based on how you would describe your sexual 'being' and who you believe yourself to be.

An example; You may think 'gay' thoughts, view gay images on the Net, but do not act upon those thoughts and you refrain from ever having sex with males, remaining personally safe in being 'straight'

If you consider yourself to be 'straight', but have had, or sometimes have 'intruding thoughts' regarding same sex feelings, why not do something to tackle that issue now, and consider yourself to be bisexual in sexuality but straight in sexual orientation?

WHAT? I hear you ask! Its quite simple!

You need to recognise that you had no choice as a child when abused, and that your adult mind screams that you were capable of having 'sex' with a man, so must be gay, dirty, perverted, etc, and you even may find intruding thoughts creeping in, but you are and remain straight in sexuality and practice.

The reality is that you'll never eradicate the memories of the abuse, but you can stop them messing up your life today.

Does it also help to know that you are not alone in thinking or believing that way, and that many male survivors express the same thoughts and feelings in recovery, but even more importantly, who the hell cares what you are, and what you do sexually?

Only you it seems, and who really cares who you have sex with?   Other people are far too busy to worry about your sex life.

As long as you enjoy the sex you have, and dont hurt your partners, who cares what you do sexually, as long it does not involve children, so ease up on the guilt you give yourself, and have sex, SAFE sex, with whoever you choose to have sex with!

This issue is faced by countless men, at any time in their lives, and if you have found this page because you feel confused, it doesn't mean that you are alone in feeling this or in questioning who and what you are.

If you have been sexually abused, the confusion causes even more problems for you, and can destroy relationships, friendships and your life, if you don't face the problem and do something positive about it, and that doesn't mean go out and try it, which has been suggested by some professionals!

Its becoming more known that many male survivors have had, or in some cases still have, issues around their sexual orientation or sexuality, and are confused as to whether the abuse they survived made them gay, bisexual or just unsure of who they really are.

Still confused? Read more HERE

© Male Survivors Trust 2014